"The Eagle" - in theaters

"The Eagle" is the story of Marcus Flavius Acquila (Stockard "Channing Tatum" O'Neal), a newly minted Roman commander who is stationed in crazy wild Britain. But the plot thickens, because Marcus asked to be posted there. His father was also a Roman commander, and marched into northern Britain/Scotland with Rome's coveted Eagle - basically a gold statue that they carried around on a stick. He took 5000 soldiers with them and none of them came back. And alas, the Eagle was lost.

So Marcus feels like he could make a difference in Britain, including regaining his family's honor. And he's doing a good job of it, until he gets himself injured. Because of his injury, he is sent to his uncle's (Donald Sutherland) house to heal and is also honorably discharged from the military. This is a crushing blow to Marcus, as the military is the only life he's ever known.

While he's healing, his uncle takes him to the arena to watch some gladiators kill each other, like ya do in ancient Rome. There he comes to find Esca (Jamie Bell), a slave who is fighting in the arena. Fighting is being generous; for the most part Esca is taking his beating and refusing to fight. Apparently Marcus sees something in Esca, because he prevents Esca's death. So then his uncle buys Esca for him. And hence, Esca is his slave.

The two of them seem to have a grand ol' time. They hunt, they hang out, and then Esca serves Marcus dinner. All the while, Esca says about 8 words. Then some pompous old Romans come to dinner, and start saying that some tribe native to Britain has the Eagle, way up in the north. The army doesn't want to send anyone, but Marcus volunteers himself and Esca to undertake the quest.

So they head north of Hadrian's wall, with Esca as his guide. They come across many native Britons, and Marcus steers clear while Esca speaks to them. It all seems to be going well, until they get captured by a tribe whose men paint themselves blue all over, and who know the countryside like the back of their hands.

There was a real grit to this picture. It was more "Gladiator" than I had expected, and I dug it. It was also fast-paced and full of action and suspense. I also dug Channing and Jamie; they worked well together. And let's face it: Jamie Bell is the shit. I mean, he was Billy Elliot for crying out loud! Not to mention that he wears the lowest slung pants I have ever seen a man wear. And I didn't hate it.

So on the CWeave scale, I give this movie a 7.5. Not an Oscar contender, but a fine addition to the gladiator motion picture collection.

"The Mechanic" - in theaters

I really wanted to love this movie.

But alack! I was disappointed.

"The Mechanic" is the story of Arthur (Jason Statham), an assassin for hire who is the best in the business. That is, until his company tricks him into killing his only friend, Harry (Donald Sutherland). Harry is Arthur's handler, and the company tells Arthur that Harry is into some dirty stuff. Without checking into it, Arthur shoots Harry in the chest. But unlike his other kills, Arthur feels guilty. So when Harry's son, Steve (Ben Foster), comes back into town to deal with Harry's affairs, Arthur takes him under his wing.

See, Steve has some serious anger management problems. He is a psychopath, hell bent on hurting anyone having to do with Harry's passing. But it's more than that. He just likes to hurt other people, which Arthur recognizes and tries to harness.

So it goes on with Arthur and Steve killing more people for money until they decide to go after the guys that wanted Harry dead to begin with. It's a lot of action and some brutal fight scenes, not to mention some sex scenes as well (which really have no place in the plot). Normally I dig this, but this film was grim. Hardly any laughter, and I don't think Statham smiled more than twice the entire time.

Ben Foster is absolutely disgusting as Steve. He's an angry, sleazy dude with a scuzzy beard, and he kind of makes your skin crawl. It's almost as if he was channeling his character from "3:10 to Yuma" but forgot that this wasn't the old West. Blegh.

On the CWeave scale, I rate this movie a 5. I really have no desire or need to see it ever again, even if Jason Statham kicks butt. I'd rather see him as Handsome Rob from "The Italian Job" than this joker.