"Kick Ass" - in theaters

This movie rocked my balls off.

Or at least, it would've if I had any balls.

But seriously, this movie, like the title proclaims, kicks ass.

Personally, I found "Kick Ass" to be a more fun version of "Watchmen". The idea of everyday people dressing up as vigilantes and delivering justice with a side of sass isn't a new concept, but in this particular film, it was done with flair.

The standout performance goes to the 11-year-old sociopath by the name of Hit Girl (played here by Chloe Moretz, who also did most of her own stunts, believe it or not). Every review of the film that I have read describes her as a foul-mouthed, butt-kicking machine. While she didn't disappoint on the butt-kicking front, the foul-mouthed description was a bit off. Yes, she did have her colorful moments, but not as many as I expected. Those that she did have were executed brilliantly though and frankly, I wasn't too offended to hear that language coming out of her mouth. If you kick ass the way she does, I reckon you would talk like that too.

Hit Girl's dad, "Big Daddy" (played by Nicolas Cage) is an ex-cop who was wrongly incarcerated by one Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong, who is just so damn good at playing the villain). It is now Big Daddy's greatest wish to take down Frank and every single one of his goons, not to mention steal all of his money in the process. I loved Nicolas Cage in this role because you could see how much he relished being able to put on a superhero costume and kick butt. He LOVED it, you can just tell.

It is into this web that Kick Ass (played by Aaron Johnson) soon becomes trapped. It's a shame for him, because he started off wearing his masked avenger outfit simply to help out all of the underdogs of this world. But a case of mistaken identity, and a trap laid out by Red Mist (played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse, i.e. McLovin'), who happens to be the son of Frank D'Amico, and you've got the recipe for a kick butt finale full of blood, bullets, and a bazooka. Seriously, a bazooka!

There's also a love story mixed in, with Kick Ass lusting after a schoolmate who actually thinks he's her gay BFF. Ah, another case of mistaken identity.

So, on the CWeave scale of 1 to 10, I give this movie a solid 8.5. Action, romance, revenge, and a touch of ridiculousness go a long way in my book. And this movie had all four. A combination such as this make for one hell of a good time at the multi-plex!

"Date Night" - in theaters

As I was watching this movie, I half expected Tina Fey to bust into her Sarah Palin impression while in the midst of a high-speed chase, but alas! No such luck.

The premise of "Date Night" is based on the relationship of the Fosters, played by Fey and Steve Carell. They are the typical upper-middle class family from New Jersey whose marriage has gone according to plan, even if it is a little boring and predictable. Their relationship is in a rut, i.e. the bed is not a'rockin' so the kids always come knockin'. When close friends of theirs disclose that they're getting divorced, the Fosters attempt a date night shake-up. Instead of going to their usual "Texas Roadhouse" style restaurant, they head into New York City to dine at a new Manhattan seafood restaurant called "Claw". (Seriously, when they answer the phone they say, 'Claw. You're welcome." It's fantastic.) They don't have a reservation, and on an impulse, they steal a no-show's. And then, of course, mistaken-identity-corrupt-official-chaos ensues.

There were some super funny moments in this movie, mostly due to the awkwardness of Fey and Carell. Mark Wahlberg shows up as a past client of Mrs. Foster who helps them out, and does it with a certain sense of shirtless flair. But the standout bit part goes to William Fichtner, who plays a DA with an appetite for loose women, both feminine and androgynous.

I could have used a little more humor with the two "cops" that were chasing the Fosters. They were a little too serious about hunting them down than they should have been given the type of movie that "Date Night" proclaims to be. I enjoy Common (who played one of those cops) and wish he had been given juicier material.

I also have to say that some of the highlights were the previews beforehand. It seemed every action-comedy that was coming out this summer previewed before "Date Night", and they all seemed pretty funny. Plus, I've got to admit that the previews are always my favorite part.

So, on the CWeave scale of 1 to 10, I rate this movie a 7. I seem to be giving out a lot of 7's lately, and no, it's not a conspiracy. I just keep enjoying every movie I go to see. This was no exception.

"Clash of the Titans" - in theaters

I love springtime. It means sunshine, warmer weather, leaves on the trees, and above all else, the start of the movie blockbuster season.

I qualify "Clash of the Titans" as the start of this season. It's the first big effects movie of 2010, and it's one heck of a ride.

While this movie is also playing in 3D, I opted for the 2D version for a few reasons. One, I don't think that every movie needs to be made in 3D. I don't need to see Krakken tentacles lash out at me while I'm enjoying my pretzel bites. The second reason I opted for the 2D version is because it was less expensive. I think it's a cheap ploy by the movie industry to charge more for 3D films. And third, I heard that the effects for this film were totally shit in 3D, so I didn't want to waste the money.

But I digress.

Like I said, this movie is one heck of a ride. I found it to be wildly entertaining, and that's not just because every man was pretty much wearing a short dress (I swear, you could tell what someone had for breakfast in some scenes, if you know what I mean).

The story revolves around Perseus, played by the oh-so-delicious Sam Worthington, who is a bastard son of Zeus, raised by a fisherman and his wife who are later killed by Hades. Now, Hades (played by Ralph Fiennes), really wants to get back at Zeus (played by Liam Neeson) for sticking him in the Underworld all those years ago. He plans on doing it by scaring the men of Earth shitless so that they pray to him instead of Zeus, thus making Hades stronger. The Krakken comes into play because Hades tells the kingdom of Argos that if they don't sacrifice their princess to the Krakken then the kingdom will be destroyed. And it falls to Perseus to save the kingdom even though all he wants to do is kill Hades. It's all quite confusing and the film doesn't do the greatest job at explaining things. I was glad to have read the Percy Jackson series because it gave me a "background" in Greek mythology that I otherwise would have lacked.

I never saw the original "Clash of the Titans" in it's entirety so I can't comment on how the two compare. The only thing I can say is that I enjoy Sam Worthington much more than Harry Hamlin. Oh, and there's a mechanical owl in the film for about 10 seconds and that's it.

There was action galore, a black Pegasus, giant scorpions, two crazy hunters, the villain from "Casino Royale", the chick from "Quantum of Solace", a confrontation in Medusa's lair, and a guy that looked like he was made out of driftwood with blue LED lights for eyes. And let's put it this way: it's not going to win any Oscars for acting, writing, or directing, but the most entertaining films usually don't.

So on the CWeave scale of 1 to 10, I give this film a 7. I'll probably own it when it comes out, and since honesty is the best policy, I've got to admit that I would watch Sam Worthington do just about anything. Even if his acting is a bit stiff...

"The Last Song" - in theaters

I'm not going to lie.

I was REALLY excited about seeing this movie. Like... for MONTHS. When I first saw the preview, back in November or December, I got jacked up. And here's why: I love Miley Cyrus. I'm not the biggest fan of Hannah Montana (although I saw that movie in theaters [again, not going to lie]), but I love Miley's music. And I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm also a closet Nicholas Sparks fan. I enjoy all of the movies based upon his books. I was so excited for this movie that I went out and bought the book a few months ago. And read it in 3 days. Pathetic, I know. But I can't help myself. It's like emotional cocaine.

My friend Meghan was also pumped about this movie, so of course we HAD to go opening night.

I reviewed "Dear John" as one of my first posts, and in that I described what to expect from a Nicholas Sparks' film. The same formula applies here. Plus, since I had the novel, I already knew what was going to happen. And I still cried like a little girl...

Needless to say, Miley, and Nicholas Sparks, did not disappoint.

Anyway, the story revolves around this girl named Ronnie (short for Veronica), whose mother (played by Kelly Preston) ships her and her 10 year old brother down to their estranged father's for the summer. At first, Ronnie is all angsty and rebellious, but soon meets Will, a good-hearted Southern gentleman who sweeps Ronnie off her feet. Before you know it, they're in love, and Ronnie and her father suddenly get along. There's an entire subplot about arson and a church, but it wasn't developed well in the film. For the better story on that end, read the novel. But even then, it's not really a good storyline. There is also a subplot of Ronnie getting arrested for shoplifting back in New York City, and then gets framed for it in her dad's town, but again, it wasn't well developed for the screen. This movie was primarily a love story between Ronnie and Will, and a bonding story for Ronnie and her father.

Greg Kinnear plays the dad, and I liked him in the role. In the book, Steve (the dad) is really mellow and Kinnear really stepped into the groove of that. Jonah, Ronnie's 10-year old brother (played by Bobby Coleman), was absolutely adorable in this film, and was easily my favorite character.

And then there's Ronnie (Cyrus) and Will (Liam Hemsworth). Miley did an okay job at Ronnie. Ronnie herself goes through a lot of changes, and though Cyrus lacks some acting finesse, she did a credible job of riding the emotional rollercoaster. Hemsworth was pretty charming, and often shirtless, but for being a good ol' Southern boy, he certainly lacked the accent. He spoke as if he was from Wisconsin. I can forgive him for that, because he's Australian and hell, probably just doing the American accent is tough enough. But he was charming, and had great chemistry with Cyrus. It's easy to see how they're an offscreen couple as well.

So, on the CWeave scale of 1 to 10, I give this a 7. It gets a rating boost because I'm an emotional sap and will cry at just about anything, not to mention that the love story is so sweet it might even give you a cavity. All in all, a great time at the movies.

"Repo Men" - in theaters

I wanted to see this film after viewing the trailer a couple of months ago. And after seeing the film, it really wasn't what I expected. The trailer indicated that there would be frequent splashes of humor throughout the movie, but just like a bad romantic comedy, all the funny bits were in the preview.

This movie was violent and bloody, which I don't mind so much. What I DO mind is when you can't understand the characters when they speak. This happened a lot, with the culprit usually being the fact that the actors spoke in voices that were too low, or their speech was slurred because they were talking too fast and failed to enunciate properly.

The film itself revolves around Jude Law's character, who is a Repo-Man for "The Union". This company seems to pedal everything from new livers and eyes to newfangled sensory machines that claim to be the ultimate experience for your brain. Anyway, "The Union" tends to promise things to it's customers, like an easy to follow payment plan for your new esophagus. What they fail to tell you is that if you fall behind on payment, the way most people do, Repo-Men, like Jude Law and Forest Whitaker, will break into your home in the middle of the night and rip said esophagus out, leaving you bloody and gasping on the floor, and inevitably dying a grisly death. But everything goes wrong when Jude himself gets a new heart courtesy of "The Union" (albeit against his will) and starts falling monetarily behind himself. Suddenly he has a conscience, and can't do his job, and hence, can't pay his bills.

This movie attempted social commentary, comparing purchasing a new set of lungs to the crumbling housing market and credit crisis that has recently befallen our country, but it sort of falls flat. It's really more of an action movie where Jude Law can take a couple of knives and slice some people to bits. There's also a love story that comes about with Law and a newly sober drug addict (who has more fake parts in her than real ones I think) that leads to an interesting scene at "The Union" HQ at the film's climax, but the focus is more on their attempts to get their names out of the system.

So, on the CWeave scale of 1 to 10, I give this film a 6. And let's be honest here: it only gets that high of a rating because Jude Law is shirtless throughout much of the film, and I'll give him credit for buffing up. Plus, I'm a shallow creature, and it takes little to make me happy. A shirtless man with nice abs is the way to go.

"She's Out of My League" - in theaters

The main reason that I wanted to see this film is because I have a sort of crush on the lead actor, Jay Baruchel. I loved him in "Tropic Thunder" and in "I'm Reed Fish", and thought he was absolutely disgusting in "Knocked Up". But that's all beside the point.

"She's Out of My League" centers around Kirk (Baruchel), your average, run of the mill, skinny guy who works airport security in Pittsburgh. Then, a gorgeous woman named Molly accidentally leaves her cell phone at security, and before you know it, the two are an item.

I didn't find this movie totally unbelievable the way some may. I occasionally notice how some very attractive women are with not-so-attractive men, and always attributed it to the "beauty on the inside" argument. But in this film, Kirk doesn't seem to have any beauty on the inside, or at least, none that he can tell. This idea is only reinforced by his friends (who I found extremely hilarious), who constantly tell him he's not good enough for Molly. Throw in an extremely macho pilot ex-boyfriend, and voila! You have a character plagued in self doubt and insecurity and we all know what that means: movie magic.

This movie is R-rated, so you get some really good R-rated laughs out of it. There's a particular scene involving semen that literally had me squirming in my seat. In fact, Kirk is so awkward in most of his scenes with Molly that it's impossible not to squirm through those as well. But I found it all to be part of his charm, and I totally dug it. Plus, any guy that uses the expression "Raw-dogging some randoms" takes the cake in my book.

I also enjoyed Patty (played by Krysten Ritter), who is Molly's extremely bitchy best friend and business partner. Krysten seems to be carving out the "Judy Greer" niche for herself, perpetually playing the best friend and comic relief. Patty's relationship with Kirk's best friend, Stainer, is humorous simply because of their mutual hatred for the other. It's good times.

So, on the CWeave scale of 1 to 10. I give this movie a 7.5. It was offbeat, touching, and had many "guffaw" moments. And I believe that you can't ask for more than that when you purchase a movie ticket.

"Alice in Wonderland" - in theaters

I think I'm going to add Tim Burton to the list of directors whom I don't trust directing movies based upon books that I love. So far that list only has Christopher Columbus on it, but it's a growing list, dammit.

I knew going into "Alice in Wonderland" that it wasn't going to be like the book at all. I had read enough articles about it in my Entertainment Weekly to know that. But I feel as if Tim Burton just took the characters from both "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass", not to mention Lewis Carroll's poem, "The Jaberwocky", threw out the story-lines, and just came up with a plot that involved all of them.

The first major change is the fact that Alice is in her late teens/early twenties when she "returns" to "Underland" (which she mistakenly calls "Wonderland" in her first adventure there). After she falls down the rabbit hole, she finds that she must drink the potion to make her smaller, and then eat the cake to make herself bigger again. But this time, her clothes don't grow with her, and I'm pretty sure Tim Burton just wanted that poor actress to be naked and/or wearing ill-fitting costumes for the entire movie (although magically her shoes remained on her feet...). Once she finally leaves the entryway, she runs smack dab into a whole mess of characters who debate about whether or not she's the "real Alice". The rest of the plot centers around this very debate as Alice must first convince herself that she's the "real Alice".

Overall, I found the performances a bit ridiculous. Johnny Depp couldn't decide if he was English or Scottish, and didn't really come off as mad; simply weird. Helena Bonham Carter was shrill as the Red Queen, and I must agree with Entertainment Weekly when they described Anne Hathaway (who plays the White Queen) as looking like "an Italian porn star".

I also think that the title should have been different. "Alice in Wonderland" automatically makes me think of the animated Disney feature from years ago, and doesn't accurately describe the film that I just saw in theaters. It should have been titled "Alice's Return to Wonderland", as that's really what the film is about.

I saw it in regular 3D and I'm pretty glad that I didn't pay the extra for IMAX, because I would've been disappointed that I spent that much money. Even though the performances left something to be desired, if you are at all a fan of Tim Burton, then I would still go and see this film. The special effects are pretty awesome, especially in 3D.

So on the CWeave scale of 1 to 10, I rate this movie a 6.5. I probably won't own it, but I'm glad I saw it in theaters. But then again, I like Tim Burton's movies for the most part. If you're not a Burton fan, you may rate the movie lower.